Please Leave a Message
by Tamereth
Summary: Tristan has no gift for Serenity’s birthday. The solution? A date. If only he knew what her phone number was. He calls everyone he knows on the off chance that they have her number. Pity he keeps reaching the answering machine.
1. Chapter 1

**Please Leave A Message **

**Co-Written with KitKatt0430**  
**Rating: **K+  
**Status: **Posting in Process  
**Summary: **Tristan has no gift for Serenity's birthday. The solution? A date. If only he knew what her phone number was. He calls everyone he knows on the off chance that they have her number. Pity he keeps reaching the answering machine.

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**:Chapter One:**

"No way…"

Tristan stared uncomprehendingly at the calendar, where one square in particular that was outlined with mini-hearts.

"It can't be…it's not possible!"

Unfortunately…it was.

A blink, and then a second. Much to his chagrin, the offending calendar, and a certain date in particular, failed to vanish from sight.

A vicious pinch on his arm ensured that he was neither dreaming or, more accurately, having a nightmare. It also ensured that he now sported a new bruise.

"How could Serenity's birthday be today?" he asked the air, outraged. The air had no reply, but Tristan was sure that it was feeling quite sorry for him. He was feeling quite sorry for himself, after all.

Tristan's head drooped.

"And I haven't even bought her anything yet." He added softly.

In his mind, he could already envision Serenity's glowing smile as she accepted his wondrous gift- whatever it would have been.

As he watched, that precious vision was replaced with Serenity's disappointed frown as he, Tristan, failed to produce a birthday gift- which she was obviously waiting for with great anticipation.

She would be so upset!

What would she think of him?

Did he dare wonder if she might get angry with him…maybe even hate him?

Tristan shuddered, banishing the horrendous idea.

_He_ was the one who "taught Joey to duel". _He_ brought her to Battle City when she got out of the hospital.

Why, with his good looks, (and even greater intelligence,) it was a surprise she wasn't already begging to go out with him.

Disturbing thoughts aside, Tristan began the lengthy process of wearing down the carpet, a process more commonly known as pacing.

Now…what to get the girl of his dreams?

He paused mid-stride.

Wait.

'Begging to go out with him…'

That was it!

Tristan grinned brightly, all signs of his previously worried state all but disappearing, and he congratulated himself on an idea well thought of.

"I'll call Serenity and ask her on a date!"

Never mind that the thought of spending a _whole_ day with said girl left his mouth dry and knees weak. He would do it and Duke be darned.

He'd show that dice-rolling, loud-mouthed, no-good cheater…Tristan stopped before he went on all day (Duke had many faults, after all)...and then he'd laugh in the poor boy's face.

The whole thing was brilliant.

Now…if only he could remember Serenity's phone number.

**:End Chapter One:**

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	2. Chapter 2

**Please Leave a Message**

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:Chapter Two:

Joey lay upside down on the couch of his new apartment, mentally thanking whatever was holy out there that his job was paying him so well. As long as Kaiba didn't realize Joey was working for him, there was no problem for the blonde.

Nope, none at all.

_Ring!_

Joey found the energy to roll an eye towards the phone.

"Go away!"

_Ring! Ring!_

The telephone didn't seem to want to shut up as he was hoping it would.

"Traitor." He told the offending object.

Two more rings, and at last, the answering machine kicked in.

_Beeeeep!_

"Wheeler residence. Not home. Leave message." The machine said in Joey's voice. Nice and short, just the way he liked it.

"Joey, this is Tristan."

Joey gave a long-suffering sigh. What did Tristan want today?

"I know you're there, buddy." There was a long pause, and Tristan sighed as well.

"**Joey! Pick up the stupid phone!**" Tristan screamed into the receiver.

Joey winced, but made no move to get off the couch.

Another pause.

"Fine. Be that way. It's your sister's birthday, so I thought I'd give her a call, say hi, wish her happy birthday…maybe ask her on a date…"

Joey leapt off the couch with an enraged growl. "Oh no you don't!" He shouted, before realizing that Tristan, talking to the answering machine, could not possibly hear him, unless he shouted so loud the boy could hear him from across town.

But it was such a waste of energy.

Tristan continued, oblivious. "But I can't seem to find her number."

Joey grinned. "Hah! Serves you right."

"I was hoping you could-"

_Beeeep!_

Tristan glared at the phone, the dial tone buzzing in his ear.

"-tell me." He finished. "Stupid answering machine."

Joey glared, as if the answering machine could transmit it all the way to the residence of his best buddy Tristan.

"If I could _what_? Tell you? Tell her for you?" he ranted. "Not. A. Chance."

Then, he was struck by a thought.

_He _knew how Tristan's mind worked. The brunette would be calling anyone, _everyone _he knew in hopes of getting the number.

Well, Joey Wheeler would just have to be a step ahead.

With fervor he hadn't possessed a few minutes ago, Joey leapt off the couch, reaching for his phone.

He dialed the first number that came to mind- the one person most likely to have access to Serenity's number- duelist extraordinaire, bane of all things evil, savior of the known world…

"Hey Yug, 'sup?"

On the other end, Yugi groaned. "What do you want, Joey?"

Joey chuckled nervously. "Come on, man. Can't I call my _best buddy _now and then without him getting suspicious?"

"No." Yugi told him flatly. "You want something, I can tell."

Joey flapped his free hand. "Alright, alright. I need ya to do me a favor, Yug. Will ya?"

"Depends…" Yugi started slowly.

"Tristan's gonna call you in a minute."

"Ok…"

"I need you to do somethin' for me, 'k?"

"**Get to the point, Joey!**" Yugi exploded.

Joey held the phone away from his ear. "Alright! Geez. Don't blow a fuse, Yug'. Don't answer the phone when Tristan calls."

Joey could almost _see _Yugi blinking.

"That's it?" Yugi asked incredulously. "What else is there?"

"Nothin'! I swear!" Joey protested. "It's just that…it's Serenity's birthday, and Tristan wants to ask her out."

"Oh."There was some murmuring, during which Joey assumed that Yugi was relaying his wishes to the rest of the Moto household. "Well, Grandpa and Yami agreed to not answer the phone either so don't worry." Yugi beamed.

"Thanks bud." Joey told Yugi, feeling slightly relieved.

He hung up the phone.

_Alrighty, who's next?_

_You better give up Tristan, cause Joey Wheeler's a step ahead._

**:End Chapter Two:

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	3. Chapter 3

**Please Leave a Message**

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:Chapter Three:

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

Tristan had decided that since Joey was obviously not planning to tell him Serenity's number, he would have to resort to other, more devious means, ones that only his vastly superior, cunning, obviously tactical mind could come up with, an idea that Joey would never, ever foresee with his puny brain.

Wait...what was his idea again?

Oh.

Maybe Yugi knew Serenity's number?

Well, even if he did, Yugi would have to answer the phone first. Which he wasn't.

Tristan sighed, listening to the phone ring again…and again…and again, wondering if anyone was planning on picking up the phone.

'_Maybe they've gone somewhere' _was his brilliant conclusion.

There was a click.

"You've reached the Motou residence." Yugi's cheerful voice came across the line.

"Answering machine…again. Why me?" Tristan closed his eyes and shook his head. "This is the _second _time today. Does someone really hate me or something?"

Across town, scrutinizing the numbers in his phone book, Joey sneezed.

"We can't come to the phone right…now. But if you'll…leave-" Yugi's seemed distracted, as if noticing something odd, and then suddenly cut off altogether. Faintly, Tristan could hear, "Yami, put the casserole down. Yami! You remember the last time you used the oven? We spent _months _winning tournaments just to pay back Grandpa…"

Yugi's voice returned to recorded norm. "Ahem. If you'll leave your name and number." Yugi's voice rose slightly in panic. "Yami, what do you mean Bakura told you..." Tristan held the phone away from his ear as a sudden increase in volume threatened to bust his eardrums. "No…NOT THE MICROWAVE EITHER! YAMI!" There came the sound of screaming. "YAMI! BATTERIES **CAN _NOT_** GO INTO THE MICROWAVE! THEY'LL-"

The last sentence was followed by an explosion, and then a beep.

Tristan hastily hung up the phone, deciding he didn't need to leave a message anyways.

"I think I'll uh…call someone else."

_Mental note to self: never let Yami into the kitchen._

_If Yugi lets him sign up for Home Ec, I need to change schools…fast._

**:End Chapter One:

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	4. Chapter 4

**Please Leave a Message**

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:Chapter Four:**

Joey, hanging upside-down off the side of the couch, dialed another phone number. He was finding it incredibly hard to press numbers while swinging back and forth, banging his head against the coffee table.

Correction- it was practically impossible.

But he managed... sorta.

"Hello? Does this f------ phone work?"

Definitely did _not_ reach Tea.

"Psycho, crazy, white-haired guy, this is uh...Joey Wheeler..."

"Joey Wheeler? What is this Joey Wheeler you speak of?"

"**What do you mean you don't know who I am**?" Joey snapped. "You **kidnap** me, **brainwash** me, make me **duel against Yugi**...and **you can't remember my name**?"

There was a pause. "Oh. The blonde dog. I remember. You almost died. Quite amusing."

"**I am not a dog! I do not drool or have fur or**-"

"That's nice.You're well trained... and have been buzzed at PetCo."

"I'm not a dog, damnit Kaiba." Joey countered, out of habit.

He winced, realizing his mistake.

"Oh wait. You're not Kaiba, are you?"

"Noooo...I'm worse. Would you like a reminder?" The voice on the other end sounded just a bit too malicious.

"No thanks." Joey replied hurriedly.

"So, what do you want from the guy in the Shadow Realm? A trained assasin? Poison? Alter-ego? Someone to take over the world? Bakura's death? Yugi's death? The Pharaoh's death? Your death?"

"Ummm...maybe not the last one." An assasin sounded good though...get rid of Tristan...and Duke...and maybe Kaiba while he was at it...hmm...

"Well then?A trained assasin? Poison? Alter-ego? Someone to take over the world? Bakura's death? Yugi's death? The Pharaoh's death?"

"How about not picking up the phone for a few hours?"

A pout, quickly changed into a scowl. "**What? That's it**?"

"Yeah."

"**Where's all the fun**?"

Joey winced, easing the receiver away from his ear.

"Tristan is calling everyone trying to get my sister's number." He explained, choosing to ignore the question as rhetorical.

"And your point being... I don't see how this concerns me. No one dies, the world remains happy, the Pharaoh is not de-throned, and I'm still in the middle of the Shadow Realm where the only bright colors to see is my hair. Which sticks up, I might add, so I don't see it often."

"Well, if Tristan somehow or another manages to call your number, you will have the pleasure of hearing his surprise as your answering machine comes on, threatening to kill him. Actually, on second thought, you might even be able to follow through." Joey could already imagine the lecture on friendship he'd be getting. Forget Tea, Yugi was much, much worse…

A grin. "Done."

The phone clicked off, as Marik hung up, eager to begin his plans for someone's unlucky demise.

Luckily for Joey, he wasn't there when Marik paused and looked up with a scowl.

"I can't kill anyone when I'm **stuck** here, **dammit**!"

**:End Chapter Four:

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	5. Chapter 5

**Please Leave a Message**

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:Chapter Five:**

Tristan cautiously dialed what he thought was Tea's phone number, grateful that at least Tea didn't have a evil side too- an ancient Egyptian, modern-times ignorant, world-domination plotting evil side. That would have been too much to handle.

The phone rang once... twice... thrice...

Why in the world did he get such a bad sense of deja vu?

And why in the world did these people all have their answering machines set up for three rings?

"You have reached Marik in the Shadow Realm."

Oh boy.

An episode flashed in his mind of when they'd first met Marik. Tea's phone had been destroyed, he'd forgotten that.

Oh.

Well, at least he now knew that he _had_ dialed the right number...

" I am currently plotting the domination of all known realms of existence with the Winged Dragon of Ra, and therefore have neither the time nor the inclination to enslave your mind or add your pitiful soul to my extensive collection."

Marik was joking, right?

Tristan hoped he was, because going through Battle City once had been bad enough. Twice, would be...he shuddered. He didn't want to think about a twice.

"If you **really** feel up to it," The word really was said in such a tone that it implied, 'I wouldn't if I had a brain in my head and no death wish.'

"Leave your name, number, and location, and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Oh. And do tell me whether you choose to be mind-slave or soulless. You are forewarned."

Beeeep.

Just dialing the right number wasn't quite enough, apparently.

But Tristan had a brain, and no death wish, so he didn't bother leaving a message before slamming down the phone. It was entirely possible Marik had some weird magic that could tap into his phone and trace him, or something stupid of that sort.

Maybe he was being paranoid...but...you never know.

He sat down slowly onto the couch, beads of cold sweat trailing down his face.

Marik _still _gave him the creeps.

**That **was **not** Tea's. Unless she developed an alter ego that sounded suspiciously like Marik, was called Marik, and currently resided in the Shadow Realm.

But he'd already determined that previously, hadn't he?

Hadn't he? He couldn't quite remember anymore. There was a term for that- post-trauma stress. Three terms, if one was getting technical.

But all that technical stuff gave him goosebumps also, so he stopped thinking about it altogether.

He had definitely not reached Tea's phone, and that was what mattered, right?

Right.

**:End Chapter Five:**

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	6. Chapter 6

**Please Leave a Message**

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**Warning: Pun attacks**

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:Chapter Six:

Joey, now sitting correctly on the couch, dialed Tea's new cell-phone number. He'd forgotten that the Rare Hunters had broken her old one... which must've been resurected for Marik's use... why? How should he know?

"Ummm...Hello? This is Tea... "

The sound of wind whistling could be heard on the other end. Joey counted to three, before he was finally convinced that it was indeed Tea on the other end.

"Tea, this is Joey."

"Joey! Yeah, what is it..." There was a muffed noise and the faint words, sounding suspiciously like "He's even more of an idiot than he seems ".

"What was that?"

"What was what?" Tea's tone was blandly innocent.

"Someone was saying something." Joey said suspiciously.

"Oh. That was the radio, the mounting price of gasoline, you know?" Tea's cheerful reply was followed by a muffled "Ow!".

"Tea, you ok?" Joey asked worriedly.

"Yeah sure." She answered, "I bumped my elbow, that's all."

"Oh."

There was another muffled sound, and Joey could hear the words "Shut up!" on the other end.

"What?"

"I asked what's up."

"Well, Tristan's calling everyone he knows to get Serenity's number. Could you not pick up the phone for a while? You know, help a big brother do his job?"

There was a pause.

"Sure. Though I don't think Serenity's even home…"

There was more conversation on the other end.

"Who are you talking to?"

"Hmm? I'm not talking to anyone."

He knew that tone of voice. The last time he heard it, he'd been on the receiving end of a practical joke. The time before that, he'd been threatened with his life- something about her job and the words "tell or die" written in ketchup on his burger. He wasn't too keen on remembering the details.

"Tea…"

There was a long-suffering sigh. "If you **_must_** know, Joey Wheeler, I'm preparing for an interview."

Oh. What was so bad about getting a job?

"An interview? For what?"

"A long term job, hopefully."

"What kind?"

"A…Kaiba-related one."

Joey let out a bark of laughter. "You're sneaking a job out from under Kaiba's nose?"

"Ah…in a manner of speaking."

"Damn. Kaiba's gonna get his pants all up in a twist if you get that job."

There was coughing on the other end. Joey frowned.

"Are you sure you're ok, Tea? Maybe you should go to bed."

The coughing continued, louder than ever.

Finally, Tea managed to gasp "Ok, thanks Joey. I'll be sure not to answer my phone."

"Thanks, bye Tea."

As Joey hung up the phone, he thought he heard a light giggle, accompanied by a voice that sounded suspiciously like Kaiba. 'Nah.' He mused. 'Since when did Kaiba chuckle…?'

He hoped Tea got better soon. She sounded _so_ enthusiastic about getting that job.

He also felt like he was missing something…

**:End Chapter Six:**

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	7. Chapter 7

**Please Leave a Message**

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:Chapter Seven:**

Tea snapped her cell shut, a cheerful grin on her face. Kaiba's expression was considerably less exuberant...a bit sour, really.

"Was that really necessary?" he asked dryly.

"No, not really. But it's not like I meant to...I ah..."bumped my elbow", that's all."

An eyebrow rose up. "Bumped your elbow? Into my ribs?"

"Coinkydink." She said airily, waving a hand in his direction.

Kaiba settled for a glare. Not going to win that one.

"Stealing a job from under my nose, eh?" he asked.

"Yup!"

"Does the mutt know that you meant that a bit more...literally?"

"Literally? What is this literally you speaketh of?" Tea answered, all innocence.

"Here, let me demonstrate. Perhaps that will... refresh your memory."

They broke away, Kaiba looking considerably happier about the situation.

Tea swatted at him. Hard.

"Ow." he protested. "What was that for?"

She shrugged. "I felt like it."

"I don't understand why I put up with this."

Tea's grin grew wider, brighter, and eviler. "Well, as Joey puts it...If I get this umm..."job"...it's going to get your pants all up in a twist..."

Kaiba choked. And coughed. Tried to swallow, and choked again. He opened his mouth, but nothing audible came out.

Tea's grin turned into an outright laugh. "I'm sure he didn't mean it quite so literally."

"I'm sure." Kaiba replied, gathering his lost dignity, his voice sounding rather strangled. "I, however, don't think I will be "getting my pants all up in a twist" if you somehow manage to get that job you spoke of."

Tea wound an arm around him, grinning. "Of course, of course. You're such a neat freak, you'd probably fold them and set them on the bedside drawer."

Kaiba found himself at a loss for words, his face an abnormal shade of red for some odd, unknown reason.

Fortunately, the phone rang.

Tea glanced at it. "Oh. It's Tristan."

When she didn't make a move to pick it up, Kaiba asked hopefully, "Aren't you going to pick that up?"

"Nope!" Tea answered gleefully. "Promised Joey I wouldn't answer Tristan's call, 'cause he's trying to get Serenity's number and ask her on a date."

Kaiba raised another eyebrow. The previous one had yet to come back down.

"Isn't Serenity already on a date? With Mokuba?"

Tea blinked as the phone quit ringing and the answering machine picked up.

"Well, minor detail."

Kaiba grinned. "You have such a way with words."

"Learned from the master of sarcasm and puns himself."

"Flattery gets you nowhere in life."

"Really?"

Nervous fidgeting. "Really."

A smile followed by a kiss. "You sure?"

"Um...what was that again?"

**:End Chapter Seven:**

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	8. Chapter 8

**Please Leavea Message**

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**:Chapter Eight:**

Tristan twirled around in the rolly-chair, carefully dialing the _correct _number for Tea's cell. The one she currently owned.

The phone rang.

Tea would answer the phone, right? She was always one to help a friend in need…

The phone rang again.

Tristan recalled fond memories of various Junior High and High School years, where he and Joey had been rescued from detention and failing grades by Tea's generous loan of her homework as reference material. Rather, they had "liberated" her homework for their usage.

The phone rang again.

He winced, remembering the scene that had ensued afterwards, which involved dire threats and promises of punishments, both of which had been dutifully carried out. Tea wasn't one for missing details, after all.

Ok, so maybe there was a not-so-generous side to Tea most people tended to miss…

Well, most people didn't have to worry about it. She could be playful, she could tease, she could be forbidding and slightly scary, but he had been one of the select few to REALLY tick her off.

And that was bad, in case the point hadn't been made already.

The phone rang again.

Ok, so she might not _always _be the type to help a friend in need.

Or, she might be busy…it was better to think that this was the case.

Tristan growled.

This was all Joey's fault. The stupid, blonde, mutt was conspiring against him. His best friend, of all people!

Well, former best friend. If things kept up, Joey Wheeler was soon to be out of existence.

There was a click, and Tristan felt his heart leap hopefully.

"Hi, you've reached Tea's cell. I'm ah…unable to answer the phone for ah…whatever reason…"

His hopes were painfully dashed.

Was that a giggle on the other end? No, it was just his imagination.

"Anyways," the message continued, "If you leave your name, and number, in case I don't remember it, I'll-"

There was another muffled sound. _That _sounded suspiciously like someone telling someone else to get their hands off them because they were busy, and that that sort of thing should be saved for later. It was followed by more giggling and what sounded like male laughter.

Tristan shook his head. Good gods! He hoped that wasn't Tea he was hearing…

"Ahem. I'll give you a call later."

Right before the beep, Tristan heard, very clearly, Tea yell, half-angry, half-playful, "Seto Kaiba! You get back here right now!"

Beeeeep.

Tristan fell off the rolly-chair with a loud thump.

He stared at the phone for a long while, even after he'd hung up. This was new. Tea…and…Kaiba….

It boggled the mind, it did. Maybe he'd heard wrong. Maybe it wasn't _quite _what it sounded like…maybe. That sort of thing was hard to mistake...

Whatever. He had more pressing matters at hand, such as the next place to call. He had to think strategically this time. Who wouldn't Joey think to call?

**:End Chapter Eight:

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	9. Chapter 9

**Please Leave a Message**

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**:Chapter Nine:**

Joey, sitting on a kitchen chair with his back against one arm rest and his feet propped up on the table, dialed the number for the Ishtars, who had moved to Domino a month ago. Forget the fact that they'd only spoken two sentences with Serenity after their arrival in town. (The first being a death threat, the second being an apology, one sentence from each Ishtar.) It never hurt to be thorough when up against an evil such as Tristan's crush on Serenity.

The phone hadn't even rung once before someone picked up.

"Hi." Joey began. "This is-"

"I know, Joey." A voice interupted. "This is Ishizu."

"Ah-"

"Yes, 'dat figures', I know."

"So I was wondering-"

"Yes, I will leave my answering machine on when Tristan calls."

Joey paused.

"Speechless? I understand completely. It happens a lot for some reason."

"W-"

"Wow. I know."

"Geez. You-"

"Really are psychic? Yes. I am. Jealous? Wait, don't answer that. You are, I KNOW." There was another pause. "I know you want to hang up right about now, so I'll let you do so."

Joey breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ah yes, the sigh of relief. I almost forgot about that one."

"Uh..."

"Bye. Yes. Oh. By the way, ouch."

Joey was left holding the phone with the dial tone buzzing in his ears, and feeling highly confused. By that, meaning more than the usual.

He shrugged, leaned over to hang up the phone, and maybe grab a bag of chips off the counter.

That last part had to be left as a maybe, however, because the chair tipped over and the blonde found himself sprawled on the ground with the chair on top of him and a bruise forming on his right elbow, which left his entire arm numb with that pins-and-needles feeling that hitting one's funny-bone leaves people with.

"Ouch..."

**:End Chapter Nine:

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	10. Chapter 10

**Please Leave a Message**

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**:Chapter Ten:**

Tristan gave his phonebook a dubious look.

"Why," he asked aloud, "Is the Ishtar's phone number in here?" Not that he was hoping his phonebook would answer back, of course. That would be...awkward. Very much so.

Well, while he was at it, why not? If nothing else, he'd have someone to talk to. Besides, Ishizu was psychic...she would know Serenity's number. Right?

He glared at his phone. Maybe this time, he'd actually reach someone.

He dialed the number, listening to it ringing on the other end.

And ring.

And ring.

And ring.

"Hello." came Ishizu's voice.

HAHAHA take that, Joey!

"This is the phone mail system. I am...not available. Do not bother leaving your name and number, Tristan, I know it is you. What you seek has already been found. What you want is not available at this time. What is unknown will not be realized until it is too late. Which is now, but I digress. I would wish you good luck, except I deem it futile. Farewell. Oh. Joey doesn't know, by the way. About both things."

Okaaaaay. That was...odd.

Tristan was feeling just a tad bit confused. He dialed the number again, this time copying the message down on a pad of paper for later perusal.

Okay, she's not available. That was obvious. She knows it's me...figures.

What is that about what he seeks being found? Did he already have Serenity's number and didn't realize it?

What he wanted wasn't available? Duh. She already said that.

What is unknown will not be realized until it is too late. Which was now.

He totally, completely missed that. In fact, he could feel the breeze from it flying over his head.

She would wish him luck, but deems it futile? Huh? What did "futile" mean? He made a mental note to look it up later, conveniently forgetting he didn't own a dictionary, being so adverse to learning.

And what exactly didn't Joey know about? And both things?

Wait. She's psychic. "Both things" could be both the unknown knowledge and the meaning of the word "futile".

Thus satisfied with his explanation of the puzzle that was Ishizu's answering machine, he turned back to his phone book. Who to call next?

**:End Chapter Ten:**

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**Please leave a review- it would be greatly appreciated. By both authors.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Please Leave a Message**

**-oOo-**

**:Chapter Eleven:**

Ishizu smiled at her phone. She hadn't had so much fun in years. Not since Marik was on a rampage and she had to manipulate Kaiba and warn the Pharaoh. Sure, she hadn't been entirely successful- cryptic messages were lost on the strong-minded and the stupid. But hey, that's why the future was called transmutable.

Besides, everything worked out in the end. And Marik was finally seeing that psychiatrist. And Odion gave into her suggestion of self-expression classes. Kaiba got himself a life...

Too bad idiots couldn't get smarter overnight.

Pity.

Ishizu felt pleased with herself, having been suitably vague, but at the same time, revealing just enough that when the pieces clicked, Tristan would actually come into some sense of understanding.  
Of course, the boy wasn't the brightest on the block. It had to do with the hair gel and the point.

Yugi didn't get off much better. Neither did Yami, but he didn't have much to work with- Yugi had already done all the work for him. The two sounded like broken records at times- quite annoying when a girl wants to get her point across, that if he didn't wisen up he would be...well, dead. Again.

She supposed that was why the female part of the human race was that much smarter. Hah. Take that Shadi. Turban-headed, DRESS-wearing, disgrace couldn't even sound properly threatening.  
Hearing Tristan calling Shadi's "dress" a "bathrobe" had been priceless. That was why she had hinted at the truth to the poor boy.

But what did he expect? Your buddy's little sister is going to see you as well, her brother's friend.

And besides, Mokuba had that much more to offer. He was rich, fo starters. And he was smart, which, well...she'd already made her point, hadn't she?

Then there was Duke, but he was such a ladies' man. Serenity needed someone whom she wouldn't feel the urge to slap. Besides, that dice earing? No style whatsoever. Whatever did the girls see in him? Young ones these days.

Ishizu shook her head morosely. What was the world coming to? What happened to the good old days, when one could live in a well without being called crazy, and tan in underground facilities that did NOT have tanning booths? She needed to ask her brother on that one.

And she hoped neither of the Kaiba brothers died a painful death anytime soon. Tea and Serenity would be SO disappointed. And an upset Tea would not be a good thing for the boys. Especially if she told Tea what she foresaw in a possible future with Tea and Kaiba...

Most disappointed indeed.

**:End Chapter Eleven:**

**-oOo-**


	12. Chapter 12

**Please Leave a Message**

**oOoOo**

**:Chapter Twelve:**

Tristan stared at the number before him with some... trepidation. This was, after all, the number of his rival in the pursuit of Serenity's heart. Duke Devlin, play-boy extraordinaire.

Maybe calling Duke would be a bad idea. He might not know that it was Serenity's birthday and lie to Tristan in order to steal the idea of taking Serenity out to a nice restaurant… well…Duke could afford the restaurant; Tristan was thinking fast-food joint.

Unfortunately, as he was pondering the wisdom, perks, and downfalls of the situation, and was deciding that it would be a _bad_ idea, his hand slipped, and he hit the dial button.

Figuring that he might as well see what Duke was up to, because that dice-earring-wearing whacko was _always_ Up To Something, he listened to the phone ring… and ring… and…for one awful moment, Tristan wondered if he was too late and the lady-killer had struck again.

Click. "You've reached Duke Devlin's home, but unfortunately for you, I am unable to pick up the phone at this time. I am…going to be playing poker with my lady friends. My favorite form of poker, I might add… anyway, if you need me, I won't be available for quite some time, probably not until tomorrow…not counting the hangover. Please, don't bother to try my cell phone - I've turned it off. Thank you, please leave a message."

Tristan set the phone down, feeling both elated and cheated. On one hand, Serenity was safe. On the other hand…._he_ wanted to play poker too. It wasn't fair! Especially considering the sheer number of lady friends Duke had…

Trying valiantly, but failing miserably, to hide the vacant, dreamy look that appeared on his face, as well as the small amount of drool, Tristan consoled himself with the fact that Serenity was _much_ prettier, and was _not_ with Duke, and _was_ available. Or so he thought.

Which brought him to the task at hand. It seemed Joey had struck again. That, or Duke was working against him. Both seemed equally likely.

A call to Joey was in order. There was some news to be caught on and threats to be issued. Apparently, Tea and Kaiba were Up to Something.

And there was a poker game; They weren't invited.

**:End Chapter Twelve:**

**oOoOo**

**:Marik's Answering Machine, the Second:**

"Good day, puny mortal…Due to the extraordinary amount of telemarketers that mistakenly dial my numbers…yes, numbers…well, technically, they aren't mine…but still….Due to the telemarketers, my phone is unavailable for answering. Chances are, it is now in pretty little pieces, or residing in a different corner of the Shadow Realm, keeping the Reaper of the Cards company. Whichever way, don't bother to leave your name and number, unless you wish a painful, excruciating, mind-numbing, extremely painful, death-like, experience. Good day, puny mortal."

**:End Marik's Answering Machine, the Second:**

**oOoOo**


	13. Chapter 13

**Please Leave a Message**

**:Chapter Thirteen:**

**oOoOo**

Joey sat on the floor, feet against the couch, back resting against the table with the phone book resting on it. As he was pondering who to call next, the phone began to ring, making him jump. His head smacked against the table edge, bringing the previously mentioned phone book closer to the edge. In fact, it was hanging precariously off the edge. But Joey was too preoccupied with his pain to notice.

The answering machine picked up the caller and, after the familiar message- he couldn't really be bothered to remember what exactly said message entailed- played, a somewhat hated voice emanated from the speaker.

"Hey, Joey. It's Tristan." Joey rolled his eyes. Did the fiend _ever_ give up?

"There's some things I _really_ need to discuss with you." Right. Like he was _ever_ going to fall for that one….

"Ok. Fine. Don't pick up. I'll just tell you on the machine. Did you know that Tea, as in our best friend Tea, the girl who does everything with us Tea, who helps us in times of dire trouble Tea, (except when violently attacking us for doing one of various things including but not limited to,stealing her homework, beating up helpless little kids, cheating on that last history test- wait, she doesn't know about that one yet…)Well, _that _Tea, is Up To Something (with capitals), with **Kaiba**…of all people… **Kaiba**."

"And yes. I mean _that_ **Kaiba**, the one who calls you mutt, puppy dog, poodle, Chihuahua, and various other four-legged canines. The rich, stuck up millionaire (or billionaire, as it is) **Kaiba**. And when I say Up To Something, I mean like…Serenity and Me something…well, what _will_ be Serenity and Me. I _know_ you're trying to stop my heroic endeavors. But I **will prevail**. Anyways, thought you might be wanting to look into that."

Trademark Tristan mentality- his attention tended to jump from one place to another before quitting altogether.

Joey rolled his eyes.

Click.

Joey took a few minutes to process the information. When the pieces finally clicked into place, his mouth dropped open.

"**WHAAAAT**!"

He attempted to leap to his feet, forgetting he was sitting directly under the coffee table, and also forgetting what happened when he previously tried to jump up like that. Too bad, really, cause he hit his head on the edge of the table- **again **- and plopped back down to the floor, rubbing his head. Just as he took his hands away, the phone book, after playing tug-of-war against gravity, lost, and plummeted down…

…down…

…down….

And landed smack on his head.

He lay there sprawled on the ground, the proverbial stars and birds circling around somewhere above him. Vaguely, he wondered what he was doing on the ground…

Ah yes, the ground was safer, cause you couldn't fall _off_ the floor. But things could fall _on_ you, apparently. Nothing was safe, these days. The world was against him. Life was _soooo_ unfair. Good grief, he was growing maudlin... whatever that meant.

Now, what to do about the Tristan problem as well as the Tea/Kaiba problem… **WAIT**!

"Ugh, great. Now what I said to Tea… that whole Kaiba getting his pants in a twist thing…sounds somewhat…wrong…"

But he could deal with all that later. Much later. Joey rubbed his head. He really needed a drink.

All this talking made him thirsty.

**:End Chapter Thirteen:**

**OoOoO**

**:Marik's answering machine, the third:**

"You have reached Marik, the evil leader of the Shadow Realm… Bakura, no comments from the peanut gallery. I am unavailable…no, Reaper, that does NOT mean that I finally got a girlfriend….no, Bakura, it does NOT mean that I got a boyfriend either…I don't really do that sort of stuff…I am BUSY at this time… coughing can be heard in the background …I didn't mean it that way, darn you! Oh, great going Bakura…you KNOW that laughing in this area draws Kuribohs…stupid puffballs…BOOM!"

**:End Marik's answering machine, the third:**

**oOoOo**

Coming up- The forgotten original chapter two, featuring Ryou and Bakura.


	14. Bakura and Ryou Insert

**Please Leavea Message**

**oOoOo**

**:Chapter Number Unknown, Bakura and Ryou Insert:**

Ryou jumped in surprise when the phone began to ring loudly. He'd been in the middle of a crossword puzzle, pretending not to notice that Bakura was playing with the knives in the kitchen (again). He shot up from his chair, and in an attempt to make it look more like haste than surprise, he leapt for the phone. Unfortunately, Ryou was never all that great in the sports department. Landing sprawled on the ground with his hand twitching mere inches from the phone, Ryou was rather...disappointed...when his Yami cooly picked the cordless phone up from in front of him, flashed a triumphant and superior look, and answered.

Ryou glared up at his alter ego as he picked himself off the floor. _Note to self- don't lunge across the room for a phone, ever again._

"Foolish mortal, who are you that dare disturb the great Tomb Robber?" Bakura demanded, pausing as he listened to the reply.

Ryou took that moment to return to his chair and collect the puzzle and pen he'd dropped, pretending he'd been sitting there all that while.

"Look, mortal," Bakura finally said, "I really don't care. There is no torment and torture to be meted out and satisfaction to be reaped from letting someone reach the message machine."

There was a very long pause, during which Ryou wondered if Bakura was ever going to drop the knife he was fingering just a bit too threateningly. Suddenly, very much to Ryou's surprise, Bakura cackled, which meant the other person had laid out...well, he wasn't sure he wanted to know what the deal was.

"Very well, dog-like one. I shall do as you've so humbly requested. When I complete my plans for world domination, I will allow you to live."

"Yes, my mercy is indeed vast.Would you care to be court jester?"

Ryou could hear the slam of a phone and the resulting dial tone from across the room.

Bakura gave his lighter half a disgruntled look. "He hung up on me… was it something I said?"

**oOoOo**

Slowly Tristan picked up the phone and listened a moment for the tone before tapping the numbers for Ryou's house.

It rang… and rang… and rang…

Beep!

"Fortunately for you, foolish mortal, I am unable to answer my phone, or your soul would be having a first-hand encounter with the Shadow Realm," Yami Bakura's voice rasped.

_Ugh, _Tristen thought sourly, _Not only did I get the answering machine, I got the Bakura-ized version of the standard, _I'm not home, please leave message.

"I am most likely fighting for control of the world at the moment and, when I win, I shall seal away your soul. It is merely a matter time and it matters not if you don't leave a message." There was a pause, as if Bakura was considering something, and then, "**Mwhahahahahahahaha**….."

Chills crawled up and down Tristan's neck, back, and arms.

"Damn. He finally perfected the evil laugh."

**:End Bakura and Ryou Insert:**

**oOoOo**


	15. Chapter 14

**Please Leave a Message**

**oOoOo**

**:Chapter Fourteen:**

Had Joey been part of a typical cartoon, or perhaps the Tales game series, a light bulb would have appeared over his head (or a lighted candle... although it would be more likely that the candle had actually burned out but… anyway…)

Obviously, Joey had come up with his equivalent of a brilliant plan. It wasn't much, but it…worked…sorta.

In order to contact all the people who might have the ability to contact Serenity, and therefore the capability to aid Tristan in his evil endeavors, Joey needed help. Ergo, his 'brilliant' plan.

He was going to enlist Mai as his partner in crime. And possibly ask her out on a date at the same time. Originally he had planned on getting Yugi's help, but his eyes had fallen on his picture of Mai…and he had started day-dreaming… which led to him finding her number in the phonebook.

Speaking of the phonebook, it was currently located on Joey's bed, next to said mutt…er…Joey…

Joey hoped that _this _time, he might actually be accident-safe. It wasn't like anything could happen to him on the bed…Well, any unpleasant stuff anyways…

Swallowing, Joey busied himself with dialing Mai's number, desperately trying to not think of other stuff…more pleasant…stuff…

Unfortunately, he started coughing just as someone on the other end picked up.

"Hey, Hon."

"Cough, Cough, Cough"

There was a sigh on the other end. "Is that you, Joey?"

Joey managed to pull himself together. This was important…very much so…and in so many different ways.

"Ummm…yeah."

There was another sigh. "What do you want, Joey?"

Joey let out an indignant squawk. "Why does everyone think I want something?"

"Cause you do, hon. Besides, you always use the phone when you want something. Otherwise, you just show up…uninvited."

Joey was at a loss for words. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for him, he recalled the words of wisdom of a certain monk from a certain cartoon…Miroku, if he remembered correctly.

"Why I am deeply wounded by your unfounded accusations, my dear. How could you possibly think that of me?"

"Joey, are you quoting Miroku? He may have been a good talker, but he was a pervert…I really don't think that works very well in this situation. Especially if that line was used right after he groped a girl and was accused of perversion…"

"Oh yeah…" Joey shrugged. "I'm still offended. Though…I could use a favor… if you don't mind, of course."

"Joey, don't dissemble, it sounds funny coming from you."

"I wasn't dissembling!"

"Do you even know what that means?"

"…"

"It basically means that you are dancing around the topic of the favor in an attempt to get me to agree before I hear what it is I may or may not be agreeing to. Now, Joey, hun, what do you want?"

"Weeell…" Joey began. There came an exasperated sigh from the other end. Even Joey knew when not to push it, and everything poured out in a rush. "You see, today's Serenity's birthday, and so Tristan's trying to get her number so that he can ask her out on a date. I was hoping you and I could, you know, get together and you could help me discuss ways to stop him."

There was a pause. A very long pause.

"Joey Wheeler, are you asking me out on a date?"

Joey spent a few seconds deciding whether Mai's tone of voice called for the truth or lying.

He opted for option number three.

"Well…I uh…" he stammered.

"Alright hun, don't worry about it. 5 tonight, at Maggiano's." This time, it was Joey's turn to pause. "You know, the Italian restaurant down the street from where I live?"

"Why can't it be closer to my house?"

"Because you're the one asking for the favor. And because if it's not closer to where I live, I can just say forget it."

"Alright, alright."

"K Joey, see you at five then." Just as Joey was about to hang up, Mai spoke again. "Oh. By the way, you're paying, Joey."

"**WHAT**?" Joey demanded to the dial tone. It buzzed at him unhelpfully.

Joey hung up the phone with decidedly mixed feelings. A lot could be said about a girl who was…dominant. Wait, that was't quite the word he was looking for. At least, not in the context he was now thinking of it in…

Bother.

He supposed Serenity and Tristan could wait. He had some problems of his own to deal with.

Joey looked forlornly down at his wallet and for good measure, turned it upside down, hoping some coins would happen to shake loose. It didn't happen.

Where was he gonna get the money to pay for dinner?

**OoOoO**

**:Marik's Answering Maching, the fourth:**

"This would be Marik speaking, except I am busy defeating the Tomb Robber and the Reaper of Cards in a most dire game of life and death...Lucky Bastard. It is a card game, not an insult...yet. Now, I will flip my final card. Destiny awaits...**crap**! **A three**! The pile...so large...do I_have_ to pick it up? Darn you Bakura. Hurry and play your card already...**an _ace_**? **What unfairness is this**! Ugh. Alright... Bakura has one card left... the Reaper is still trying to get rid of the_last_ pile he picked up...poor guy. At least I didn't pick up the pile with two threes and three fours...ouch. I play a King and Bakura has a... a _ten_! He dares assassinate the King? **NOOOO**! **I _LOST_**! Stop laughing Bakura, you probably rigged the deck. Even though I shuffled...and dealt...and tried to rig it in my favor. Um...Reaper? That was a joke? Put down the scythe...breathe in, breathe out. Hey, listen. Gotta run!"

There comes the distant sound of girlish screams, similar to the time when the Reaper saw Bakura dressed as the Magician of Faith. (The Reaper screamed, not the other way around. If you saw, you'd scream too.)

**:End Marik's answering machine, the fourth:**

**oOoOo**

So what happens next? Does Joey get his date? Does Tristan? And how many answering machines does Marik have, anyhow?

Stay tuned.


	16. Chapter 15

**Please Leave a Message**

**oOoOo**

**:Chapter 15:**

Joey flopped down onto the bed, his head nearly clipping the edge of the phonebook. He stared pensively at his ceiling, hoping it would provide some sort of inspiration. Unfortunately, the ceiling was as blank as his mind.

He needed cash, and consideringhow his empty wallet would not be of any help, there might be a problem. What he really needed was the pity of a friend... but not Duke, who would want a date with Serenity in return. He wasn't much of a friend, anyway.

Duke was also much worse than Tristan. Really, the dog suit was a bit over the top. It left Joey wondering if Duke was better friends with Kaiba than he let on.

So...what to do?

All this thinking in one day was leaving him with a headache of unprecedented proportions. At least he thought it did...he wasn't entirely sure of what 'unprecedented' meant.

"Man, if Tristan were here, he'd be glad to help." Joey grumbled. "Wait. What am I saying?"

Joey sat up abruptly, glaring at himself in the mirror. If Tristan were here, he'd be bartering cash for Serenity's phone number, the blackmailing jerk. Or was that extortionist...extortionistic? Joey wasn't all that sure, seeing how English wasn't much of his strong point. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually been to the class...something about falling asleep every time.

But really...now that the idea had wormed itself into his head, Joey had the glimmerings of a new idea. Or what passed as an idea.

"Serenity did say that she would be spending the evening with a friend, so it isn't as if Tristan would actually get the date," he mused. "I still don't want him calling her..." which led back to the whole problem. "I'd have to offer him something of equal value to her phone number, that's all."

Joey considered that theory, but since he lacked manipulative skills that didn't relate to food-based bribery... never mind, that was how other people manipulated him...

Seeing how he had survived the day on an act first, think later basis, Joey thought he might give it one more go.

The phone was dialed. It rang.

"Hello?" Tristan sounded a bit too eager.

"Tristan." Joey offered coolly. Sneaky, traitorous, lying, manipulative (wait, that was him, not Tristan) little jerk.

"Joey." Tristan returned, just as coldly. Two-timing, pug-faced, bald, scumbag, backstabbing mercenary... no, that was description of Pigma Dengar from the Starfox game he had on pause in the front room...

" I have a proposition. " The two of them ignored the fact that neither knew the exact meaning of the word.

"Oh, is that so?"

"Indeed." Joey paused. "I will give you my sister's number on one condition."

"Really?" Tristan couldn't contain the eager tone of his voice. "What is the condition?"

"I have a date with Mai tonight and I... uh... need you to fund it."

"By funding, what kind of numbers are we looking at?" Tristan considered carefully.

Joey counted on his fingers, but he ran out. "One sec." He went and got out his calculator. "Ah...oh shit...somewhere in the forty, fifty range...up to hundred if you're feeling generous and grateful."

"Generous? Grateful? To you!" Tristan snapped. "Like hell. I don't have that kind of money. I can get Serenity's number on my own just fine."

Joey was left holding the phone stupidly while the dial tone buzzed in his ears. So much for THAT brilliant plan.

His eyes narrowed. Fine. If that was the way Tristan wanted to play, he'd give the brainless, bad-hair-styled, little animal a good fight. (Never mind the fact that here was a case of the pot calling the kettle black.) Tristan would never get Serenity's phone number. Well, okay, there was a chance that the pointy haired one would get the number... but at least Tristan wouldn't be getting the number from him.

Joey's gaze returned to the phonebook as he hung up the phone. It was time to continue his battle. So what if the first round of peace talks had failed. At least their reason for having failed at peace was less petty than having decorated the peace tents in the wrong colors, right? (Sadly enough, that has been a reason for real peace talks to fail.)

Besides, who cared about peace when he was going to win the war?

**:End Chapter 15:**


	17. Chapter 16

**Please Leave a Message**

**:Chapter Sixteen:**

Joey thought for a moment, trying to decide who Tristan might decide that Joey might decide that Tristan might decide that Joey might decide to _not _call. It made his head spin, so he gave up, flopping down to rest his poor head against the pillow.

Finally, he just looked at his trusty phonebook, said some sort of apology, and dropped it. It fell open to a random page, and Joey saw that it was...Espa Roba?

Why not?

He dialed the number, with a bit of misgiving, to say the least. At least he hadn't tried to kill Joey...yet. He just cheated. Wait. Minus the 'just' part.

Even before the phone had finished the first ring, someone had picked up.

"Hello." (not a question)

"Um..Hi thi-"

"**Wait**! No, no! Let me guess who it is. I must practice my psychic abilities, hone my skills, develop my powers, and perfect my technique."

"Ok..." Another Ishizu wannabe.

"Telemarketer? No? IRS? CIA? FBI? Government organization in general?" It sounded like someone was a bit paranoid. That's was blackmail information for later. Assuming he knew how to use it, of course.

"No?" Did the boy not need air? Joey wondered absently. He didn't get a chance to respond before ESP boy barreled on. "Prank caller? Business? Girl? Boy? Both? Friend? Foe? Brother? Sister? Mother? Father? Grandma? Grandpa? Cousin? Cousin once removed? Twice removed? News that I won some contest?"

"Ah…"

"**Wait**! That voice! Such idiocy must belong to Joey Wheeler."

"You got me Espa." Joey sighed, torn between grinning, yelling in indignation,and shaking his head hopelessly.

"No doubt you want a rematch."

"I won that time, you psychic fraud.

"Fine. _I _want a rematch."

"Agree to my request and it's done."

There was a pause. "What request?"

"Um…"

"**Wait**! Let me guess."

"Listen, Espa. I'm in a rush. My condition- er, two conditions. Tristan's trying to get my sister's number. Whatever you do, don't pick up the phone."

"Request number two?"

"I need money."

"_You _need money?" Espa's voice was less surprise and more 'I'm poorer than you, what are you talking about?'.

Joey gave a faint chuckle. "Well, I'm taking Mai out to dinner."

"Luck, friend. You'll be emptying your wallet for this one."

"Any ideas? Donations?"

"HAGS."

"Huh?"

"Help Achieve a Greater Society fund. People will definitely fall for that one. Trust me. As a suave scammer, I should know."

"Uh…alright. Thanks Roba."

"Just one duelist helping another. Don't forget that rematch, you hear Wheeler?"

"Of course."

Joey hung up, feeling a bit better. Just a tad bit, mind you.

He was still worried. Pulling out a pen, he wrote the letters HAGS in large caps on the top of a blank sheet of paper. Something told him this was infringing on copyright and plot from some other event, but he couldn't remember. HAGS was his own- conveniently forgetting Espa's involvement- invention.

Suddenly, Joey paused in the midst of his renewed planning.

Damn. Espa had never mentioned anything in response to the donation request. And he never promised to not pick up the phone. Double damn.

**:End Chapter Sixteen:**


	18. Chapter 17

**Please Leave a Message**

**Chapter Seventeen**

Tristan stared at the wall, trying desperately to think like Joey and decide who Joey might decide that Tristan might decide that Joey might decide that Tristan might decide that Joey did _not _call. Unfortunately, it gave him a headache greater than Joey's and he promptly gave up.

Tristan hit his head against the side of the phonebook (with which he was on better terms with than Joey with his), which was therefore knocked onto the floor. It lay on the ground in all of its glory, proclaiming the words "Espa Roba". Tristan eyed the phonebook. The phonebook tried to eye Tristan, but lacked the eyes to do so.

Why not?

He picked up the phone, craned over to see the numbers, and sent up a prayer. Not that he was the religious type, but it was better to have back-up plans... just in case.

The phone rang once... twice... three times...

And just as all hope was lost...

"Hi, Tristan." Tristan almost fainted.

"Espa! Are you really there?" he asked excitedly.

"Weeell…if you're looking at it technically, then yes. However, spiritually, my mind is in the ethereal world, seeking answers to those deep, unanswerable questions."

"Right. So I was wondering if-"

"Something about a phone number?" Espa cut in.

Tristan raised an eyebrow. "How'd you know?"

"I'm psychic, didn't you hear already? Anyways, I can divine the number for you if you'd like."

"YES! I mean, um, sure." Tristan grinned happily, scribbling down the number Espa rattled off. Hahahaha. He one-upped Joey this time around. Take that, dogface.

Tristan hung up the phone, an expression of evil glee marring his face.

He dialed the number eagerly, waiting expectantly to hear Serenity's sweet voice on the other end. The phone rang once.

The phone rang twice.

It rang a third time, and Tristan felt his heart sink. Then at another thought, he brightened. At least he had the number now.

Unfortunately, for him, it _was _the answering machine that picked up. Even more unfortunate was the fact that the voice in**no way**could have ever belonged to Serenity. Unless she was having a bad cold and was currently being mind-controlled. Doubtful.

He got Marik's fifth answering machine message.

"You again? Well, I have escaped the danger of the scythe and am currently braving yet another game of life and death and 156 regular playing cards...I didn't even rig the deck this time around, not that it would have mattered. Most difficult to play, Mao. How to play, you ask? Can't tell. No, I'm not trying to be a jerk...that's just the rules...wait...Reaper, I didn't break the rule...don't fine me a card...Drat. Said too much. Fine. Have a nice day."

Bakura could then be heard saying 'have a very nice day', followed by the Reaper saying 'have a very, very nice day'. "Have a very, very, very nice day." Marek continued.

Bakura, again, could be heard saying 'have a very, very, very, very nice day', followed by the Reaper with 'have a very, very, very, very, very nice day'.

Marik sounded smug when he announced, "Have a very, very, very, very, very, very nice day. Wow. I'd hate to take _that _nice day."

Bakuratacked on yet another very. So did the Reaper.

"CRAP." Tristan could hear adeep inhale, followed by a deep exhale.

"Thank you for the very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very nice day. I take the petty nine cards. And the fine for calling them petty. I'll get you back, Reaper, just you wait. And the fine for threatening Mao. And the fine for saying Mao's name...twice. I'll just shut up now..."

A click, followed by a beep, during which Tristan could hear lots of swearing accompanied by maniacal laughter.

Stupid Espa Roba. Stupid Marik. Stupid Joey. Stupid, stupid day.

**End Chapter Seventeen**


	19. Chapter 18

**Please Leave a Message**

**:Chapter Eighteen and Marik's Sixth Answering Machine:**

Tristan switched his glare alternatively between his phone, the phone number Espa had given him, and the general direction of Joey's apartment.

He decided to give the number a second try, in the event that the loopy looking number was actually an eight, not a three as he had previously thought. And the four a nine...and that seven a one...

Tristan was beginning to see the merits of having good handwriting.

So he dialed the er...corrected number...sort of corrected...and prayed.

Unfortunately for Tristan, the greater deities were asleep at the moment.

"Hello all you foolish mortals..." There was a pause. "Is it just me, or is that line getting a bit old? Damn that Bakura, wasting perfectly good lines on Tea Gardner, when it can apply more to other...less intelligent beings. For example, Tristan Taylor and Joey Wheeler."

Tristan made a noise that sounded very much like a strangled cat.

"But they wouldn't know what mortal is anyways. They know foolish, cause they define it, and there's that one incident where Kaiba took the time to define it for them...using small words...but I digress. Lemon drop, anyone? Wait, that was the evil villan from somewhere else. Or perhaps an evil villan disguised as a good guy...ah...good memories. But again, I digress. Whether you are a foolish mortal or Tristan and Joey, don't bother to leave a message. If you do, I only have more incentive to hunt you down. If you are Tristan or Joey, that means I will _really _want to hurt you...with wooden stakes (wait, that's vampires), knives, or other pointy objects. (I **like **pointy objects...) Ah...the reaper has a pretty scythe. But I digr...oh whatever. Goodbye, foolish mortals and Tristan and Joey."

**O.oo.O**

Tristan felt quite proud of himself. Finally,_finally_ he had hit upon the ultimate good idea. Take that, Marik's answering machine.

Seto Kaiba, hacker extraordinaire,_must_ have a way to uh...'access'...Serenity's number, right?

Ok...so maybe Kaiba didn't quite have the motivation necessary to help him on his epic quest of great proportions and would slam the phone down upon hearing the voice of a hated enemy (well, third hated...or friend of first and second hated, anyhow). Besides, if Tristan could keep him from hanging up, when had Kaiba ever not taken up the 'challenge' of baiting Joey?

Of course, the whole plan hinged on Kaiba actually answering the phone in the first place, but Tristan had a bad habit of overlooking small details.

He found Kaiba's numbers, chose one of the five listed, and prayed (again). And yet again, praying really wasn't doing him a whole lot of good.

The constant ringing he heard at the other end was REALLY getting quite annoying. The click followed by the sound of what was obviously the answering machine was getting quite old too.

What he heard though...

"Oh boy...Seto Kaiba, I am going to KILL you for this..." Tristan eyed his receiver. Perhaps it was time to get a new one, if he was hearing things? Could someone explain why TEA's voice came on KAIBA's answering machine?

"By the way, this song is copyrighted by...somebody..."

"We've been friends forever looking for the same thing  
True love can be so hard to find  
Maybe we've been looking in all the wrong places  
'cause we keep coming back here every time  
Talking to each other  
Comparing our heartaches  
Confessing the ways we long to be satisfied  
Maybe there's something going on here  
Maybe there's something here for you and me  
We should be making love  
Instead of wasting time with someone else  
We should be making love instead of going home all by ourselves

Oh, now I've told you I want to be your lover  
Why don't we discover where we go from here  
I don't want no other  
Do you feel it too everything we get together?  
Telling our stories  
Comparing our heartaches  
Confessing the ways we long to be satisfied  
Comparing our heartaches  
Confessing the ways we long to be satisfied

Telling our stories  
Comparing our heartaches  
Confessing the ways we long to be satisfied  
I know there's something going on here  
You know it's so obvious to see  
We should be making love  
Instead of wasting time with someone else  
We should be making love instead of going home all by ourselves"

By all means, it sounded as if Tea had finished singing. Tristan reflected on why Tea was intent on being a dancer, not a singer.

Tea also did not sound very happy, at least, not until a voice sounding suspiciously like Kaiba added, "That sounds like a good idea..."

There was the sound of giggling, and Tristan hung up quickly.

He looked at the receiver oddly. That didn't sound right. Poor Tristan's mind was a bit boggled.

What in the world?

Perhaps this was the time to contact Joey about their "deal". A more urgent matter had arisen, one that Joey would like to hear about- even if he would be Not Pleased.

**:End Chapter Eighteen:**


	20. Chapter 19

**Please Leave a Message**

**:Chapter Nineteen:**

Joey heard the phone ring and leapt up from his position on the bed. Unfortunately, he leapt up in such a manner that his feet caught in the covers and fell, face forward, onto the ground... the ground that the phonebook happened to be laying on.

FWUMP!

Apparently, the phone book had some pretty sharp corners.

"Owww..." Joey groaned, staring up at the ceiling, which suddenly seemed to have sprouted stars. Next to the ceiling, he could see his dresser, where the phone was lying...the phone!

Joey leapt up again, and promptly tripped over previously mentioned phonebook. Fortunately, he managed to land on the bed this time. He reached over and snagged the phone, brought it to his ear and yelped "Hello?"

There was no answer, and it took him a few moments to realize that he had the receiver held upside-down.

He sheepishly switched the receiver around.

"Joey, are you even listening to me?" Tristan's exasperated voice sounded in his ear. "I'm trying to make a deal here, and it's hard enough as it is..."

"So talk." Joey snapped, before realizing that maybe it'd be best to take a more...pleasant approach to the situation. "What the hell do you want?"

"I'm accepting your deal."

Deal? What deal...oh. THAT deal.

"50 bucks." Joey stated.

"20." Tristan argued back.

Joey sighed. "49."

"21."

"48.50."

"21 and a penny."

"100."

Tristan blinked. "WHAT?"

"I felt insulted." Joey explained blandly.

"Good."

"You want this deal or not?"

"Yeah, course I do. 10 bucks."

"Tristan, I can make my sister hate you." Joey warned.

"45." Tristan seemed to have deemed it necessary to 'donate' a few more bucks.

"60." Joey grinned. Hook, line, and sinker.

"50."

"Done." Joey announced, feeling very pleased with himself.

He rattled off Serenity's number, but partway through, he paused. "Come over and give me the money, and I'll tell you the rest."

There was silence on the other end. Joey glanced curiously at his phone as the dial tone sounded in his ears. Two seconds later, the doorbell rang.

Tristan looked as if he'd left the house in a hurry.

"Uh...Tristan? You realize you're still wearing your PJ's, right? And slippers?"

"Never mind that." Tristan sounded hassled. "Here's your money. The number. Now."

Tristan happily scribbled the number down on a sheet of paper torn from Joey's beloved phonebook. (Semi-beloved now, mostly hated.)

Suddenly, Tristan remembered what he REALLY wanted talk to Joey about.

"Uh...Joey?"

"Yeah?" The conversation had grown less stifled.

"There's something else I wanted to talk to you about."

"Yes..."

"See, I tried to call Kaiba and-"

"You did WHAT?"

"I was desperate. But that's not the point. Remember when I said Tea and Kaiba _might _be up to something?" Joey nodded, not sure he was liking where this was going.

"That's not true, right?"

"Well...apparently they _are _Up to Something. With capitals this time around. Kaiba's answering machine has Tea...singing..." The two boys winced, then, out of habit, looked around to see if Tea had conveniently shown up to bash them over the head.

Joey scowled. "You're not telling me they're actually _dating_ are you?"

"I don't know, but it seems as if they've progressed a bit further down from just dating..."

"THEY WHAT!"

"You could always listen to the message and see for yourself."

Joey flipped through his phone book and found Kaiba's number. He dialed and listened as the message came on. His face grew from confused to horrified, to a lovely mix of plum and green.

"WHAT IS SHE SINGING?"

"I believe its a song by Huey Lewis called "We Should be Making Love"."

"That wasn't what I meant. WHY is she singing that? And WHY does Kaiba think it's such a good- never mind."

Joey would have gone on ranting, but the doorbell rang. Mai stood there. Joey's mouth dropped, and his brain lost the little function it had left.

Mai shoved past him into the room, and raised an eyebrow at Tristan's attire.

"Slumber party?" she drawled.

Tristan looked down at himself and winced. Then he ducked into Joey's bedroom to borrow some clothes. Joey didn't notice. He was too busy staring at Mai.

"Stop drooling, mutt."

THAT made Joey snap back into reality. That tone of voice reminded him of someone, which in turn reminded him there was a pressing matter at stake...

"TEA'S GOING OUT WITH KAIBA?"

"What, you haven't heard yet? They've been going out, making out, and who knows what else for the past what- year?"

Joey's jaw dropped. "I'm gonna go find her right now...no wait, I have a date...and then afterwards...uh..." His face had a sort of hopeful expression that was too similar to a begging puppy's to be of any comfort. Kaiba seemed to have had the right idea all along.

Mai nodded slowly and reached up to pat Joey on the head. "Good boy. See, you can remember important information that doesn't have anything to do with food, dueling, or food."

Joey found that he had nothing to say to that.

**:End Chapter Nineteen:**


	21. Chapter 20

**Please Leave a Message**

**:Chapter Twenty:**

"Tristan, I'm not paying for your food."

Tristan looked up from his study of the menu. "Technically, it's my money. Technically, I'm paying for YOUR food and YOUR date."

"Why am I not surprised?" Mai asked no one in particular.

"Well, well, the mutt can't even afford paying for his date." a very familiar voice drawled. "I, unlike certain canines, am able to do so. And the jewelry, the car, the lingerie...uh...forget that one."

Joey's eyes near bugged out of his head. "_WHAT?_"

Then, he got a good look at exactly who's spoken. The words died on his lips. "_Ka-KAIBA?_"

Kaiba glared at Joey, as if daring the blonde to make a comment.

Tea, who'd come up on Joey's other side, snickered evilly. "In psych class, that is referred to as a Freudian Slip."

She had to duck a napkin tossed at her. "On the other hand, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know I've decided to utilize your gift."

Joey and Tristan blanched. "TMI..." Joey muttered. "Waaay too much information…"

Mai chuckled. "Way to go, Tea! You have fun."

Tea's face grew thoughtful, and Joey hastened to interrupt. "WHAT are you doing with him?"

"What am I doing _with _him?" Tea asked innocently, "Nothing, at the moment..."

Kaiba smirked as Joey spluttered. "WHAT are you doing out HERE with HIM?"

"It's a date- you know, where two people mutually attracted to each other spend time together and uh...do...stuff."

"Very nice stuff." Kaiba interjected with a smirk.

"Ok...I didn't need to know that. Did NOT need to know that." Tristan covered his ears.

"Nice stuff like take walks, eat good food, skip out on work..." Tea whispered to Kaiba, "I don't know what _they're _thinking..."

Joey and Tristan missed her commentary, unfortunately, and naturally, their thoughts went in the other direction. Both looked pale.

"I KNOW what that means. But why HIM?" Joey yelped.

"Seto's such a lovely person." Tea sighed, knowing full well it'd get on Joey's nerves. "I LOVE Seto. I mean, look at him. He's tall, handsome, and _so_ protective. Remember that time at Battle City when he saved me? That was so heroic of him."

Joey turned sort of a green shade of color.

"Besides, Joey Wheeler," Tea continued, sounding Not Happy, "It's none of your business."

"But-" Joey tried to protest.

"But nothing. I can date whomever I want to. Go take care of your sister if you must meddle in people's lives."

"Serenity's fine."

"Are you so sure?" This time, it was Kaiba who spoke, sounding very smug about something.

"As long as she's not dating you, she's fine." Joey retorted. He paused while Tea nodded in agreement, although her interpretation of the statement was slightly different from Joey's. "Actually, so long as she's not dating anyone, she's fine."

Tea stopped nodding and shook her head in what seemed to be a regretful sort of manner. That Joey Wheeler was a bit...hopeless...

"Wait…" Joey said slowly. "You're not telling me she_is_ dating someone, are you?"

Tea smiled brightly. "Anyhow, I'm so glad you approve of me and Seto's relationship."

"I don-"

"Yugi does, after all" Tea interjected.

"But about Seren-"

"The two of them have become SUCH good friends, it makes me so happy." Tea continued, pretending not to notice Joey's desperate attempts to ask about Serenity. "Why, just last week, Seto actually won a duel."

"What do you mean my sister is dat-"

"What do you mean "actually"?" Kaiba asked, arching a brow. "I've won the week before that, and the one before that…"

"Aww, poor Seto. You know we believe in you." Tea cooed.

Seto scowled at her, but perked up when she leaned over to kiss him. Joey and Tristan turned away, looking disgusted.

"So what is this about my sister?" Joey demanded, once everything had returned to "normal".

"You know, the weather outside is so nice today." Tea commented, throwing a pleading look in Mai's direction.

Mai was too busy laughing to be of any help.

"I do think I want to take a walk afterwards. Won't you accompany me Seto?"

"Of course I will." Kaiba hoped she was grateful for his help, considering the murderous glares Joey was throwing his way. But ah...the girl patching up wounded boyfriend senario...

Tea, sensing things were going a bit off track, elbowed Kaiba in the ribs. So much for that idea then...

"Well," Kaiba began, "It seems as if it's time for us to go."

But Joey was not to be deterred.

"Hold on a minute now-"

Suddenly, a voice behind him spoke up. "Ah…so you are all here."

It was Ishizu.

"How are Serenity and little Mokuba?"

Tea blanched, andwaved at her frantically to be quiet while Joey sputtered.

"You don't mean that they-"

"I am merely inquiring after the siblings of two beloved friends." Ishizu spoke with a smile.

"Ah thank good-"

Both Joey and Tea breathed asigh of relief.

"But I am curious…" Ishizu said, oblivous to everyone else's reactions. "Did Mokuba ever ask Serenity out?"

Joey's jaw dropped.

Tea and Kaiba exchanged looks that said "oh well". It would have come out sooner or later. Joey wasn't up for comments anyways.

"Yeah, actually, he did. They're on a date right now."

"THEY WHAT?" Tristan and Joey both chorused, leaping up from their chairs.

"Sit back down Joey." Mai snapped. "We ARE on a date here, aren't we?"

Ishizu brightened. "Ah, the two of you have finally gotten together as well. Joey asked you out at last?"

"Actually, I asked HIM out, and his friend is paying…" Mai scowled.

Tea and Kaiba shook their heads.

Joey had the decency to look slightly ashamed.

Tristan stood where he was, looking dejected and shell-shocked. His valiant efforts…wasted. Then he perked up. What if their date went wrong? Then he could be there to comfort a broken-hearted Serenity.

Everyone looked confused when Tristan skipped gleefully out of the restaurant.

"Well, we'll just uh…leave the two of you here then. We have other plans." Tea told Joey.

"Wait!" he started. "I…you…jerk…not approve…" His thoughts had grown a bit disjointed since Mai had scooted closer to him and their date was progressing along rather…nicely.

Tea, Kaiba, and Ishizu took the chance to slip away.

Outside the restaurant, Ishizu turned to them. "I don't suppose you want your fortunes told, since I ruined the secret and all?"

Kaiba looked at Tea. Tea looked at Kaiba.

"Why not?" Tea agreed.

Ishizu's eyes turned sort of distant. There was a half-second pause before the psychic's face turned an interesting shade of red.

"Well?" Kaiba prompted with a smirk.

"Just looking at today…the two of you are in for an…interesting night." She sounded a bit embarrassed, understandably.

Tea grinned shamelessly at the thought. "Really? Oh good."

The two wandered off down the street hand in hand.

"See Seto, everything's turned out pretty alright."

---

"Hi guys, this is Serenity Wheeler. I'm not home right now. Mokuba finally asked me out on a date! I mean, how cool is that? I've liked him since Battle City. (Joey's not very happy with me, of course.) I was so upset when Joey got hurt at Battle City, but Mokuba was sooo understanding- he has a big brother too. He says that our big brothers always try to act tough, but they're really just worried about us. But apparently, Kaiba's been a lot umm...nicer and friendlier these days. Joey should get a girlfriend too. Tea's been REALLY good for Kaiba. But they're always alone having "together time". When will Mokuba and I have "together time" too? Oh by the way, sorry I couldn't make this week's poker session, Duke. I'll try next week...Well, here's Mokuba." 

Mokuba's cheery voice could be heard on the other end. 

"(Oh my god, he looks...GOOD! (No, of course I wasn't talking about you)) Gotta go! See you guys!" 

Tristan hung up his phone, feeling dejected. Serenity...still hadn't gotten home. One could assume the date was going well. 

He turned to look at the clock- one in the morning... One could assume the date was going _really _well... 

Tristan let out a wail. "JOEEEEYYYYYY!" 

--- 

Joey Wheeler sneezed, then rolled overin his bed, muttering about Italian food. 

**:End Please Leave a Message:**


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